Guilty Dream

I had a dream last night where I had an affair...and I woke up feeling SO guilty!

 I was driving home from somewhere and "racing" this other car and we wound up pulling into the same place to park--it was like Shady Lake, but not, but yea. And, he pulled into a garage and got out and was joking with me about how I won by finding a faster way to get to that area. 

He was tall, slender (but not skinny - more average), tanned, bald, and very nice/funny/jokester.  He spritzed some kinda spray and I smelled it and it smelled amazing. We started talking about what a bitch it is to drive home from downtown and the different ways to go. I mentioned I made that drive for 10+ years and don't miss it. He said he worked for some kind of...IDK, organic market maybe? I can't remember.

Then it flashed to us being in a big crowd of people outside and there were people with running bibs and I was confused and mad because I missed the event and I always run those. It turned out to be a Relay for Life finale event where they were going through the teams that made the most money.

Flash to being in a doctor's office with this man and he has some kind of cancer - they did a biopsy on his thigh/butt. I met his mom and then started feeling guilty because they didn't know I was married. I called Papa to pick up Charlie from school. 

It was just SO bizarre. Then he was at this Orange Theory/CrossFit place and I was talking to the people there and they were selling beans (?) I know, makes NO damn sense. 

I just woke up feeling guilty because of K and because of him. One because he's my husband and the other because he didn't know I was married. WTF


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Transcription of Events 5-14

 Anniversary Eve. Manifesto came to light. He asked if I wanted a divorce. I said IDK. Conversation ensued. Transcribed version of events that I was able to record (for posterity and just for reference).  M:  I will say that. I don't think you're being completely serious, but you said, like, I feel like part of of you truly thinks at least a little that because there's a ring on your finger, I'm, like, essentially like a property. No.   K: Okay.. Okay, well, I'm sorry. I like this on my apology.   No. Okay. Never. You You're my partner. You're you're a team member, your partner, you're not my part. Okay.    Never, never. No. I'm sorry, go on.   M: Keeping score, you say you don't do it, but it feels like you do. An example, left a box on the bench for a few days and then said that I should have put it away. And I said, it's your box and you responded, yeah, but what was in it, Charlie's stuff and you said you'd take care of it.   ...
Read more

Good grief, the uneeded shenanigans!

Preface: So I’m trying to revise the way I do things. So instead of asking for permission for something I’m going to nicely just kind of lead in with this is what I’m going to do. Because I shouldn’t have to ask for permission to do things. Not to say I'd be all "HERE IS WHAT I'M DOING! DEAL WITH IT!" But less ask permission, more ease into this is what I'd like to do. So Tuesady night I said hey, do you have any plans on Monday night or anything going on? He said no why. I said well Bev would like to take me out to dinner for my birthday. He said OK...but why can’t you take you Tuesday? (Which is our normal night to get together because we do pilates.)  I’m like well we have pilates Tuesday and he said exactly. And I just kind of gave him the look and he said no it’s fine. So then as we’re getting ready for bed, I was like oh and don’t forget I have Cousin Jen coming in Friday night. And he said "oh, so you’re gonna be Doing your thing Monday, Tuesday, Wedne...
Read more

Response to the non-apology

I appreciate the email. I appreciate you being able to calmly, rationally, non-violently explain what is “wrong.” I do not appreciate how you choose to do it in real life and face-to-face. I agree, we feel the way we feel. We are all entitled that. Should we be able to talk and vent to each other? Of course. But, there’s an unspoken respect that that also needs to be present—one where name calling, yelling, condescension, swearing is checked at the door. I know you’re not happy. But honestly, I feel like you are never happy. There’s always something wrong. There’s always something that can be improved on. There’s rarely ever a time where you’re satisfied or just take the win for what it is. I’ve said this MANY times before: sometimes it’s OK to just be OK and enjoy/savor the little things. Not everything needs to be one-upped. Not everyone is out to get you or take advantage of you.  And, if you live your life expecting only the best 24/7, you’re going to be let down majority of th...
Read more