The Struggle is Real

I was ranting and rambling to one of my besties and she said something that absolutely summarized the situation: What he is doing is abuse. And it’s having a huge effect on you. You’re anxious, you’re fearful of what might cause an outburst and try to adjust your behavior, you can’t talk to him, you’ve lost some of your confidence. It runs much deeper than forgive and forget. 

It's true. It's 100% true. We are in the love bombing cycle and it just adds fuel to the confusion fire. At the root of it WHAT am I not happy about? That is what I need to dial down/into.

I'm just so tired. So mentally and emotionally exhausted. It sucks. And then right after I dropped Charlie off, I just started crying. And, I'm still crying. Because this is all so fucked up. K keeps harping that I am the selfish one. I only think about what I want. My needs. And, because I am not happy, it's MY unhappiness that is otherwise going to destroy this "perfect" family. 

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