Life's been a crazy ball of wax...

It has definitely been a mixed bag the past month or two. 

The Silence:

One of my best friends just up-and-stopped talking to me. No clue why. It was bizarre. We talked in the middle of June, then I texted her the night before her anniversary...and the text showed sent through SMS...not IOS. The last time that happened, I had been blocked. I tried to shake it off, texted her and her hubby the next day on their anniversary, and only he responded...I've called, left messages, reached out to her husband, and tried on social...crickets. No clue. But I really miss her and am PRAYING that there will be some light shed on the situation.

Therapist "Conclusion":

Definite double entendre with that one. I haven't talked to Kacie or Josh in well over a month--maybe even two months. But, it hasn't been bad. I actually feel like my mind is clearer WITHOUT the "help" they provide. And, I also feel a bit more at peace, too. I'm guessing because I'm not constantly thinking and overthinking and trying to explain to someone else. Maybe I'm just back to the point where I need to take care of myself BY myself versus with paid help, lol. 


Emotional Baggage Cleaning:

There are a handful of things I wanted to clear up and/or get off my chest. I've achieved 2/3 which is a win. And honestly, the responses have been decent. I talked to A-team about why he wasn't at Papa's funeral and I reached out to Yo. It took a few months, but he responded. We shall see if anything comes from it, but life is too short not to try. The 3rd one is still in the holding pattern. Not quite ready to pull that trigger, but I have a feeling it'll be happening soon.


From Kontentment to Komeback:

While things are NOT as bad as they were before Poland visited, sadly, the air is back to being heavy. And, I really, truly believe it's K's job. He hates the drive and, while he doesn't see it, comes home in a mood more often than not. The opinionated, finger pointing, never-to-blame tactics are alive and well. However, I am not tolerating it like I did before. I'm standing up for myself a LOT more and calling him out on shenanigans. I even got to the point where (not always) I'll just say you can believe what you want, but I don't see it that way. And, we'll have to agree to disagree.

Unfortunately, again, last night was a literal hiccup/de ja vu situation: I’m not nice, everything is average. When have I actually greeted him. I don’t clean up with Charlie. He can’t be doing everything by himself. He’s constantly breaking his back and I do nothing to help. He’s lonely. I need to give at least 5% (being nice or showing I care) because I’m giving nothing right now. When is the last time the two of us did anything. Why can’t I just drop him off at mom‘s for a night because she said she would watch him overnight , but I just never do it. we can never have a conversation because every time we do, I say it is criticism.  I need to stop treating Charlie like a baby and spoiling him because he’s a little boy, not a little girl, not a little baby.  I always have to have the last word with some kind of ignorant reaction. 

Grumble. And, of course, this happens the same week I am going out of town. Coincidence? 



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