10-25 Recap

Now it’s a matter of he’s hurting, and I am not there for him. I have not been there for him and the fact that he had asked for a hug is pathetic. I told him it wasn’t that he didn’t deserve it. It was that I was hurt. And he said what about when I’m hurt? What about” I have to be strong for you and for mom and for everyone but who is there for me? You won’t even give me a hug.”

So, am I the monster? Am I trying so hard to stand my ground and maintain my strength that I'm actually being cold? I'm just tired of being pushed around and feeling like I have to give in  EVERY TIME just to keep the peace. 


But he makes hurtful, underhanded comments like "well teach him some things instead of always watching TV," It’s like he says things that he doesn’t think are mean but they are. Because they are loaded statements. But I don’t even know how to address that . And, I apologized for the comment about not deserving it and said I was hurt and that’s when he said "i'm hurt but no one‘s there for me." So now I feel awful because he doesn’t have friends who are there for him, but also it’s not my fault that he pushes people away because they’re not good enough in his expectations.  


And “our friends “I really think they to see what’s going on and don’t want to be there for him. I don’t know if that’s true or not, I can always ask the girls because they’ll let me know. 


And we need to figure out shit out because it’s affecting Charlie. He said said "Daddy hit me. Don't do it again daddy." And, when I pressed a little more he said "Daddy scared me when he yelled. He yelled and woke me up." So I'm thinking the other night when he started yelling at me, when he rolled over to "get in my face" maybe he pressed down on the bed near Charlie or bumped him or something. 


I don't know. This is such a cluster fuck. I can't talk to him because he dismisses what I say most of the time but he still doesn't see that. Or, he rolls his eyes, walks away, or comes back on me. But, if I mention that, he says "oh, it's always about me" meaning he is at fault. Not always, but yes!!!!


Also, I want to know wtf the deal is when he comments after I say I deposited 1k in our acct. “what happened to the 5 got paid?" #1I told you. Chase put a hold on it. #2 It's my money anyway. Not EVERYTHING I make needs to go in OUR account. 😑😑😑


Also - he's NOT letting it go. At all. So what am I supposed to do?! 

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