My Truth

Random: 

  • We are supposed to be a team and it doesn’t feel like we are because it's always "who does more"
    • I did XYZ with Charlie. What did you do? Our life is not a competition
    • Not everything should be transactional - I did this. Now you do this. 
  • It feels like nothing is ever good enough. That's not an exaggeration. NOTHING is ever good enough. 
  • You say "I'm the problem, you're perfect and do no wrong" No, I've NEVER uttered those words. Are you the problem at times, Yes. Yes you are. Am I the problem at times, Yes, yes I am. 
  • I'm tired of being the punching bag and taking all the attitude and guff and meanness. You have no problem sharing your opinion or how you feel--you also don't care how it comes across or how it's said. I feel like you lack empathy. As long as you say your piece and get out what you want to say, you're good. You don't care who is left reeling from it.
    • Just because you feel one way does NOT mean I have to agree NOR does it mean my way is wrong or bad. The same goes for opinions. It feels like your say/opinion is the end-all be all 
  • You are SO much kinder, softer, more loving after you smoke. It’s weird to say, but I wish you would do it more or before you came upstairs after work. Because when you don’t you can be incredibly mean, attitude, picky. 
    • I take anti-anxiety medication; you smoke weed
  • When you get mad, you see red. And it scares me. Your eyes get this wild-animal look in them and it’s terrifying. You make me shut down and clam up and that is why I don’t talk to you or want to talk to you or respond to anything when you get upset
    • You argue back, get passive aggressive, roll your eyes, talk down to me
    • I really think you need to find a counselor/anger management for yourself to bounce things off of because the anger is real
  •  Tone/Demeanor – I’ve said it before and I cannot say it enough, it’s not what you say it’s how you say it. You tell me “it’s just how I talk” or “it’s just who I am and you know that.” No, no it’s not. When your mood changes, the feeling in the air becomes more tense. I am not the only one who can feel it or notices it. Our friends and family do, too
    • You are condescending and loud and speak out of anger
    • Charlie feels it and it affects him. And he can talk more so he tells his "truth" He told my mom on different/multiple occasions "Daddy yells. Daddy gets angry face"
      • He also told her you hit him WHICH I cleared up but still 
  • I know you had a hard life. No, I cannot relate and therefore don't "know" but just because you went through something doesn't mean it needs to be carried into today
  •  You said "I either don't listen or don't care." Both are incorrect. I DO listen. I DO care. I may not retain what you said. It may slip and I ask you again. But, I have so many things going on in my head that it's sometimes hard to pin down one thing. OR I need a reminder. It's not meant as disrespect, it's just how my brain functions (or lacks to function)


Double Standard

  • You scoff, you roll your eyes, you walk away mumbling LOUDLY under your breath, you come at me. And, I rarely get pissed and come at you. A couple occasions, yes. But, heaven forbid I do something even remotely do ANYTHING similar and there is hell to pay.
  • You can give your opinion or tell me how to do something, but if I say it the same way, you get upset that I’m “Telling you what to do.” No, I’m not. Even if I offer a suggestion, you take it like I’m ordering you and that is nothing further from the truth. If for some reason I say “please don’t do that” or “don’t say that around him” it’s more of a request than a demand. 
    • Again, it's like what you think/say is the end-all be-all so get on board or fuck off
 Sex/Physical Intimacy:
  • I am not as sexual as I was when we first started dating. And, there is nothing wrong with that. Things. Change. It’s a fact (women’s libido). So, it’s unfair to make me feel like I’m this horrible monster because I’m not in the mood 24/7 like you are. Or, I pass up sex. Or, I come to you "only when I want it"
  •  You bring up how I used to do things and be more adventurous and sexually daring, but things change. People tame. People’s opinions, likes, and dislikes change. Not everything stays the same and that is just a fact of life 
    •  o You’ll say you got BJs all the time and I “enjoyed” it. No, I never did. I did it because I knew YOU liked them. I do/did not enjoy them. I did it because I thought it was the right thing to do AT THE TIME for our relationship.
    •  o Sex swing, bondage, dressing up – again, I did these things for YOU. Because you liked them and at the time, I felt it was good for the relationship.  But, if it makes me uncomfortable now...I shouldn't be shamed or guilted for it. 
      • I would do more if it didn't feel like 
Your Ideals: 

  •  Not everyone is like you. Not everyone thinks like you. Not everyone is as motivated as you. It’s not fair to push what YOU think should be, happen, or is on anyone else—myself including. Also, you getting upset and throwing tantrums (yes, you do) when things don’t go your way or I don’t agree with you is BS
    •  Just because YOU want to go outside doesn’t mean I want to or should have to go. Yes, I love fall. Yes, I love our house. But, in the evening I like sitting by a fire better than just bumming around outside. ALSO, it’s hard handling Charlie when he’s outside.
    • Just because I can work on the porch doesn’t mean it’s; the easiest thing for me to do. My bad for buying a small screen laptop. I like having 2 screens so I can easily swap back and forth 
    • Just because YOU don’t want to watch TV because you’ve been staring at a screen all day doesn’t mean I feel the same. Yes, I stare at a screen all day, too. But, it’s typing and reading and writing and thinking. Watching TV is a way to help my brain relax because I DON’T have to be “on” and I don’t have to think. But you literally getting upset about it isnt cool
  •  You push your expectations on people and get disappointed and upset when they don’t agree or live up to them. I don’t strive for mediocrity, but also, sometimes good IS good enough. Not everything needs to be plussed up or worked on. Why can't I just "be"


Cleaning House: 

  •  I handle upstairs. You handle downstairs/outside. However, I also try and help outside (i.e., mowing lawn). But, it bothers me when you get mad at me for not helping more. Yes, I am home all day. But, I am also WORKING. I throw laundry in in between projects. I throw food together if I have downtime. I try and tidy and clean and do everything I can to get the house somewhat in order, but we have a toddler, and I’m sorry, it’s never going to be pristine or like it was before we had him. But, I try. 
    •  You play with Charlie and leave a mess and food and dishes/cups in the living room that I end up cleaning in the morning. I never complain. I just do it. But, if there are toys downstairs on the floor I get flack
  • You have no issues asking for help and at times expect it without saying anything. Then you get upset because I didn’t step up. I’m not trying to go tit-for-tat, but I could also use help. I don’t ask for help because I know I can handle it. Will it take me longer doing it by myself? Of course. But I know you have other things to do. So I take care of it on my own.
    • Example: Folding laundry. You will play on your phone while I'm folding. NO, I don't NEED you to help me, but I don't get pissed because you didn't offer. Reversed situation, you do
  •  When I took my shoes off on the landing you snapped “you know there are shelves you can put your shoes on”. Yes, I do. You also know there’s a dishwasher for your dishes you bring home from work, right? 

  Work:
  • Yes, I work from home. No, it’s not the same as when you worked from home. Are there times I have downtime and I can do whatever or monkey around? Of course. But, I don’t always get to have fun. I go grocery shopping. I clean something. I tidy up. I run errands. I rarely IF EVER get to sit around and just do whatever I want to do. 
  •  It feels like you're jealous/envious of me and want to make me feel bad for not doing more
  • It hurts when you come down on me for “not working 40 hours per week.” But, I do. I work FAST. I work QUICKLY. I am efficient in what I do and therefore I can accomplish more work in less time than others. Just because I’m not punching a clock doesn’t mean I am not working hard or SHOULD be doing more. 

 Sometimes Good is Good Enough

  •  Not everything needs worked on. Not everything needs talked about. Not everything needs an opinion or commentary.
  • Just because you feel one way doesn’t mean I do, too. It also doesn’t mean I’m being “ignorant, disrespectful, or rude.” I’m allowed to have my opinions and thoughts on things and just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t mean I’m against you. 

Raising Charlie:

  • Yes, I am harboring this one because it was shitty to say. I don’t often say things like this but don’t you EVER tell me I am intentionally hurting my child or that I don’t CARE. NEVER SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN. Charlie is my/our child and he is the most important thing in the world to me. Could I be stricter at times. Yes. We both have things we can and should work on in this respect 
  •  Do. Not. Yell. At. Me. In. Front. Of. Charlie. I feel like you think you can hide your annoyance or attitude, but you can’t. You wear your emotions on your sleeve and Charlie knows when you’re upset. That’s why he yells “STOP DADDY” or “be nice to mommy.” He is a very empathic kiddo and can feel when something isn’t right.
    • In the same, I need you to realize that when you get that way, THAT is when he starts with the “Go away, daddy” or “I don’t want you”. Seriously, look back. A perfect example is 10-23 Tommy and Liese dinner night. You can home looking for a fight (you did, you were picking on me from the get-go) and HE saw it and called you out by telling you to stop or go away. But when you’re nice and calm and kind, he wants you. Case and point 10-21 before the Halloween party. You were “somber” and chill because we had “a night” the night before. And he saw that and sat with you, and hugged you, and played with you. He FEELS things and can tell when you are off and HE IS SCARED OF YOU when you get in those moods
  •  You don’t ask me, you tell me, in terms of parenting. And, that’s not cool. I try not to TELL you how to do things and instead offer suggestions or literally say “can I ask that you…” So please, stop telling me what I should or should not do as a parent. Or how things "are" or "will be"
    •  Kool-Aid jammers are ok
    • A shake for breakfast is ok
    • Watching TV can be educational

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