It's Time for ME

 There was a hiccup last night. Shocking, but true. We were downstairs and K commented that I should ask Michelle if she wants the ball pit. So I grabbed my phone to take a pic and message her. And he said "doesn't have to be now, put your phone down." But, I said l just want to get it done. And he reiterated, and I just carried on my merry way. Well, that didn't set well. He got all huffy and started on me being on the phone 24/7  "you never listen" blah blah blah. I kept repeating "ok" kinda like sure, kinda like whatever. And, he mumbles and storms off.

I stood strong. I held my ground. I didn't play much on my phone after, but I also didn't re-address his issue. 

A little while later he pulled the "why are you acting/being like this" card. I said I was fine. He claims I've been snippy/weird since he got home. Which is TOTAL BS because I was fine. I was just doing my own thing. Making dinner. Playing with Charlie, etc.

He had "fish friends" coming over and I put Charlie to bed. He came up and asked if everything was ok and I said it was fine. I was fine.  I was 100% ok but I felt the comment was nitpicky.  He tried to argue with me on it, but I held firm and said "I felt it was nitpicky and there's no problem." He kinda did the "whatever" and went downstairs for the next FF. I did all the Christmas cards (took foreevvver) and settled to watch TV. He came up and was fine.

Long story still long, it was EXTREMELY awkward and uncomfortable and outside my comfort zone to hold my ground, but I did. And, I feel like I came out ok and semi on top at the end. So my goal is this...

IT'S TIME FOR ME!!!!

We are at end game. I cannot keep giving in. I need to remind myself, how much worse could it get? I mean, really. How. Much. Worse. Could. This Get. ESPECIALLY because as it is, I'm not being true to me. I am not living or speaking MY truth. So, I take a stand, here and now. I WILL be me. I WILL stand my ground and hold my truth. It's going to be hard, but really...if it gets worse, then it gets worse. Not sure how much worse, but I guess we shall see.

I need to start living the me that feels and is real - because that's what I want in the long run. I can't keep living the lie I became.

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