My rant/vent from last night's debacle

Ya know, I am so over everything right now. I don't like being told I make things about me. Maybe I do? Maybe I do make them about me. But that is IF AND ONLY IF it's because I am defending myself and my position/stance on everything that's happening. 

I said last night he came home hot. He did. IT WAS OBVIOUS. But, he says that is me turning it back on him. No, it wasn't. I asked a simple question and made the rookie mistake of pushing a little more to make sure he was ok. He said he's overwhelmed by Charlie telling him to go away, he doesn't want him, he wants mommy. Ok, well I'm not a mindreader. If THAT is what's bother you you need to say something,.

I had no clue when he picked him up last night from school that's what went down. Without knowing that, how am I supposed to know what the issue is? And, he wants me to be all loving and give him hugs and kisses and be sweet when everything in my body is telling me to RUN (not literally, it's the fight or flight feeling) because his eyes got that huge-pupil thing going on and it is terrifying. 

He thinks that's where I need to step up as a wife. I think that's where he needs to calm down as a husband. But, last night turned into how much I'm not doing. How much he's done and not been appreciated for. Must we celebrate EVERY DAMN CHORE like it is something outside the realm of normal?! You wiped down the counters, congrats, would you like a cookie? I took out the trash and recycling and didn't lose my shit because it wasn't recognized. 

I just don't get it. And, things are so "good" for so long but that's just because he hasn't spoken up. Which is HIS fault. I have gotten better about talking to him, especially when something he said makes me upset. But he claims I haven't done anything.

Oh! Another kicker, he says he has become a better person since we've been married, but I went the opposite direction. Well, a better person in that you're not yelling and screaming all the time when you're upset but that is just what a GOOD PERSON should do. Yes, it's great, but also, realize it's not just for me. It's for the people around you. 

Geezus, I'm still fired up and annoyed and I really DON'T want to call and talk to him after lunch. I just don't. So yea, maybe I am making this about me, but right now I DON'T FUCKING CARE. Why can't I be upset and annoyed that he was upset and annoyed at things that were RIDICULOUS.


***End Rant***

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