Most recent he-rant

His rant: 

Are you allergic to me. You don’t touch me. You just don’t care! We have the same conversation every two weeks and you do nothing to change. I pour my heart out to you and I tell you exactly what I need and you do absolutely nothing. You just don’t care. Actions mean more than words. I’m 44 and in the best shape of my life and you don’t even look at me when I take my shirt off when we’re in the bathroom. You walk right past me and you say nothing. We haven’t had sex in two weeks and oral, don’t even get me started.

What do you do for me that special. Every day is the same thing. There’s nothing special. How do you actually show me that you care.

In my head:

The bathroom shirt thing, ok, it'd ridiculous on my end, but it makes me self conscious. And maybe a little jealous? Sounds awful, but it's what I feel. 

The sex thing is ALWAYS stretched out. He always adds time on there. And, sorry, you said how bad it was so why would I want to?

Christ. What if I am the problem? He keeps saying that he tells me what he needs and I just ignore it and maybe he’s right? He wants more affection and I don’t give him more affection, it’s almost like I give him less. But it’s not intentionally done. It’s just that when he's all moody and seems standoffish I really don’t want to be near him. Would you go pet a snarling dog? No. 

But, now I'm getting worried that it is me? Am I the monster because I won't be affectionate? But, the reason I'm not is because I don't want affection to be misconstrued as horniess. It sounds awful, but I just want to feel the love without having to make it sometimes. I want to be comfortable and I'm not. 

Also, I think another issue is that I am ALWAYS in "what if" mode. Scared to tell him anything for fear that he'll bitch or snap or yell at me. And, he claims it's me. But, it's not. 


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