Air Mai - Under the Surface

 Geezus...last night was a shit show. I came home from dinner with my SIL and K and I went out on the porch and had some wine, then more wine. Came inside and I was trying on dresses for a wedding we're going to. Things were a-ok. Then he got all "love making" on me and I started crying. The emotional bubble burst. And at first, he was calm and asking what's wrong and to talk to him. Then it all went sideways. I said I was overwhelmed. I feel like I'm drowning. And, we're not on the same page. He asked for further explantation. I was getting flustered and brought up a time last week that he got home and the first thing he said to me was "you couldn't pick up and charge roomba?" It bothered me. He set the tone for the night IMO. I dont like that. The first thing from either of our mouths shouldn't be negative. Well, he was a dog with a bone and would NOT let it drop. Kept coming back to why can't I let things go. It was nothing. I made too...

SO...I found us a new marriage counselor. Name's Josh. Nice guy. I like him a HELL of a lot more than Tom, lol. We had a good 1st session (legit 1st session, last week was the intro/meet-n-greet). He specializes in men's behavioral health which I feel is a good thing. We discussed types of communication and their definitions.  Assertive - where you want to be.  Maximize the effect of being heard and increase the chance of expectations being met. "I would appreciate if you XYZ." Not today, but perhaps tomorrow. Passive - Express needs in watered down way. Tends to agree more than have a counter opinion. Aggressive - Designed to intimidate (hostile) and attempt to win. Always forceful, always demanding. Takes the rights away from the other person to be justified in being upset.  Passive-Aggressive - Intent to be defiant. Get what you want without taking responsibility.  Also, things like "I" statements are better than "you" statements. I would like i...

 Calm. Calm can be extremely relaxing and terrifying and liberating all in one. Saturday I went to a bridal shower and said I thought it'd be maybe 2-3 hours. I texted at 330 to say I was helping clean up then would be hanging with my friend that I haven't seen in half past forever. I got home around 5pm and of course, there were issues.  Now, admittedly, I was in "the wrong" because I should have been more upfront and texted him more (?) to let him know that things were running late or what not. However, I was told that I was "extremely selfish" because of everything and that he was hungry because he was waiting because I was going to bring food. I corrected him and said, no, I said I would bring leftovers if they had them.  Night was annoying for a bit. Then, he went out, cut wood, smoked (obvi) and came back a new person. Ya know, the person I love to love. Sunday was Oktoberfest. I was anxiety ridden from the SECOND I woke up. Took a Xanax around 9. Was ...