Air Mai - Under the Surface

A major life event or soul lesson is underway for you, Gemini and as time moves, by the second half of the year - around Lion’s gate, you will emerge with a feeling that right has been done by you. Until then your guides urge you to continue to stand up for what you believe is right for you, to keep forging a path that feels authentic to you, to close chapters that are dead and toss them into a cosmic black hole that swallows it all, without it ever emerging back into your life. You are not wrong. Remember that. Cosmic tip: Your battles may have been hard, but they were necessary for you to discover who you are.

 So last night and today was a shitstorm.  I asked him to wake me up when he got up (he didn't) but luckily I got up. He was aloof. I gave him a kiss/hug. Got in the shower. Got out and Charlie was on laying on the floor. K came back and gave him a couple kisses then went to work. I continued the morning. Got Charlie to DD and school. Checked in with K via text when I was at CLE, then at BWI, then ORF. I texted him to let him know that I got Tera's car and was heading to Joanne's.  So I'm at Joanne's and he facetimes me on the way home...and lays into me. He. Was. Livid. I didn't talk to him all day. I didn't call him so he could talk to his son (which normally I DON'T if he gets to see him/give him kisses in the morning). Then he went on to reiterate over and over how heartless and cruel I am. After last night how could I be so callous to not call him or talk to him. He laid the fuck into me on FACETIME FULLY KNOWING that I'm at Joanne's single-...

I figured it out. The issue. What has to be to be done. I need to be ok with being the villain. I have to be ok with being the bad guy. Because THAT is what is holding everything back. That is the roadblock. The hard stop. The problem.   Yesterday was a mixed bag. He had a REALLY rough day. Took one of my Xanax at work which made him super tired. He got home (somber/sluggish mood) and wound up falling asleep on the couch. No biggie though. Whatever. He got up when Charlie wanted to play with him and they were doing their thing. Of course, Charlie wound up having a moment and K asks me if I told him about my trip. I said yes. He mega rolled his eyes. Because of course, his thought is OK, you caused this because he’s upset you’re leaving.” Whatever. Life went on.   Backstory/Side note: I did give K a big hug in the kitchen at one point—because he was visibly upset. And was cutting some cheese (lol) and I came up behind him and hugged him. Also, the night before he mentioned bein...

 GAHHHHHHHH.  Last night K got home and seemed OK'ish. After Risa left, he said, "ok 2 things..." And, I'm thinking OK, here we go. "I'm not criticizing but...when you're playing outside with the garage door open, can you just blow out the garage? Or at least close the garage so they don't come in. The garage is full of leaves and you just left them. It'd really help me out." Ok, that's fine. I get it.Then he started on with Charlie... "You need to feed him dinner! He didn't eat any actual food after school! t's not about your friends or going shopping. YOU need to feed him dinner when he gets home." Ok...he said he wasn't hungry and I'm not going to force him. "Force him? He didn't eat anything! It's not about you or shopping or your friends. You need to feed him! When's the last time you actually cooked for him?!?! He goes to Wendy's Tuesdays and Thursdays. He doesn't eat dinner Wednesd...