Houston...We've Hit the Tipping Point...

What a fucking awful night. Closest we have ever come, but I think for progress is commencing. Marisa came over early so she came with me to pick up Charlie. Then we went to Aldi, Sam’s and Ollie‘s. K went to go see Greg after work. We got home and we’re hanging out and then he got home around 7:30. He sat down by us for a little bit then Charlie wanted a bath. So he put him in the bath and then went downstairs. Didn't say anything. So I was taking care of that. It was around 845 and Marisa was like oh my God it’s so late need to go. So then I finished Charlie in the bath, and then K came upstairs and I saw the wild animal look in his eyes…

I asked if he was OK and then he went into his giant tirade about how disrespectful I am and selfish andwe had this conversation not even two weeks ago "you don’t even know what’s wrong?!" And, then I stopped and I’m like oh wait, because Marisa is here? And he said yes. Mind you he’s somewhat yelling at me and Charlie is telling him to stop yelling at mommy and he kept saying "I’m just talking." But Charlie kept saying "daddy! stop!" and was hugging me and covering my ears and telling me to go because daddy's not talking nice. At one point he even goes in between the wall and his bed kind of "cowering" (truth be told, I think that was more being dramatic  than scared) but it doesn’t matter. It was bullshit.


Flash forward to after getting Charlie to sleep and try and talk to him and it was just an awful awful conversation and he kept saying he can’t do this anymore and if he’s such a bad husband then divorce me. It took everything in my power, not to say something right then and there, but I was letting him vent. I tried to say something but got shot down with the "NO! You don’t talk right now. This is my turn to talk. If you wanna bring something up, you do it on your own! Not when I’m the one that starts talking first."


He stared going on about Wednesday being his night and on HIS night he wants to do what he wants to do. Which I didn't realize meant he wants the house to himself (per se). He said "when I get home, I want her fucking gone! Why the hell can't you ever go there?! I had a rough fucking week and maybe I just wanted to have the house to myself or spend time with family. But no. Every 2 weeks it's like your mind resets. We JUST had that convo. So yea, when I get home I want her fucking out!" I said she was talking about her parents and he said "I don't fucking care." 


So then it came down to: I’m selfish, I’m disrespectful, I have that ignorant tone and look on my face. I don’t give a fuck about him. I don’t give a fuck about his feelings. I don’t give a fuck about this family. I don’t give a fuck about anything. (There were lots of "you don’t give a fuck about….”


He said if I’m not happy or if I’m tired, too, then I need to change something. At which point I said that's really hard because it’s either talking to Josh or lawyers and then he kind of snapped his head back like oh really? You’re gonna throw a divorce at me right now? We’ve been fine and then this is what you’re gonna do. He kept doing the "oh woe is me" and that continued on for a while. It did not end on a good note. Gave him a kiss on the forehead and want to lay down. 


At one point he did try threatening and said "go ahead and get a divorce and see where you end up. You’ll be at your mom‘s house. Do you know how much rent is? It’s $3000. You can’t afford that! And, what're you going to do about health insurance? What do you think you’re actually going to do? You're not going to et anything from me." o which I responded " don’t want anything from you. And, don't threaten me with these "oh you'll never make it. I will make it work."


He also ripped into me about "When’s the last  time you actually cooked anything? Instead of sitting down, hanging out with your friends, how about you actually COOK A DINNER once in a while. Instead of just heating something up. Can you even tell me the last time you cooked?" I said yea, Friday when we did spaghetti. "Oh, yea, you just heated up the noodles." Ummmm, no, I legit made the sauce so :-p He then went on to say how it's be nice to get home and have a nice meal with my family but no, you send me to work with 5-month-old frozen crap out of the freezer instead of anything fresh. I'm like HOLD UP...we agreed to eat out of the freezer to get that down a bit, so don't make it seem like I do nothing.


Then it just kept going back to I don’t care about him. I gave up loving him long ago.  No one‘s ever cared about him. I told him I think he needs to see someone and he scoffed and got all incredulous.  "Oh, ok. I need to see someone? Yea, ok, look how good that’s done with you." I said oh, it has.  And he said he hasn't seen the change and I said it's not about YOU it's about ME!


He also compared me to Laura and said I’m just like her. Take take take, I’m lazy. I got a husband and that’s all I wanted. Then I stopped caring. I got a house and can't even take care of that. I work maybe 4 hours a day, so what the hell do I do the rest?



I have about an hour of convo recorded. I reached out to Cousin Jen's legal person to see if she has any Cleveland connections. I'm not giving up. I just need to know when to walk away...

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