Woof...Weekend Update

 So, it's been a rough couple days. I know I say that quite often, but woof. 

Saturday we had a busy day with Charlie. K hasn't been feeling well (has a chest cold) so that didn't help matters. We went to soccer and to a spring fest and shopping and then went home. I asked if K was hungry and he said no. Charlie had been snacking so I wasn't too worried about him. K mentioned it'd be a good day for soup. 

Fast forward to being upstairs around 4pm. He asked if I took the soup out. I said no, not yet. He said "do you always have to wait until last minute?" I rolled my eyes and replied no, it's frozen soup, it defrosts quickly. And, went to take it out. I asked what kind he wanted and he stood up and said "never mind, I'm not hungry anymore!" And, stormed downstairs. WTFE.

Charlie and I went downstairs because we were going to go outside and I told K, look, I didn't mean to upset you. And he asked "was that question REALLY that frustrating that you had to get all huffy and roll your eyes!?" I said yes...because it's soup and a quick defrost. No need to overact. 

Life goes on, day is ok. We took Charlie to see fireworks and were driving home and he's like "can you slow down!?" I gave him a weird look/eye roll because I was doing a whopping 37 in a 35 (that's what was on my dash, he saw the GPS saying 39). And, he got all mad because I should be going slower to make him fall asleep. 

Finally get Charlie to bed and at that point, it was time for us to go to bed. I offered to give him a back rub. I even tried to make a move on him. And, he stopped me because he wasn't feeling it...and then...

Why don’t I care about him, blah blah blah. And it just kept spiraling. I said I do, and he said I don't show it. After a while, I said "honestly, I don’t know if we can make each other happy anymore."

SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING!? DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE? BECAUSE THAT IS NOT HAPPENING! And, he continued on his tirade that he wont let it happen and we're in this together and I'm he's not going to let me give up on our family...I stopped him and said #1 YOU do not get to make that decision and #2 I didn't say that. He then went on to the "do you actually think you're going to get someone better at this stage? Because you're not. YOU know who you married."

Then it turned into the fact that I always say I can't talk to him but I never try. ANd, I said, ok, valid. Maybe I'm just not comfortable talking to you because you say Im getting defensive or fire back and ,spin it back. And he scoffed and said something or another. I said AND you're condescending. "Oh, yeah, I’m condescending. Whatever!” I'm like OMG, case and point. 

He said he may stay downstairs and then I can see how much I miss him or something, and I’m thinking, dude, I think you’re going to be sorely mistaken lol. But he wanted me to give him an answer tomorrow (as to whether I wanted him to or not)

I said we need to talk to Josh again - and I also need to write everything down because I forget and get flustered in the heat of the moment. He told me to make it a 2-hour session because obviously we can't get anything done in one. It was such a cluster fuck. And, when I tried to bring anything up, he was upset because this was HIS TIME to vent. If I want to talk, I need to start the convo. 

I did say that I know I normally make him lunch and what not but he is a grown-ass man and if he was so hungry, could have gotten the soup out early. And, that I DO make stuff. To which he said I was bringing up the past and old stuff and I can never let things go and I just sit and stew on it--maybe instead of doing that, I actually realize he's right (or something to that affect).

I brought up what he did when I was at Joanne's as completely wrong and asked if he realized she was sitting right there and he said "I don't fucking care" and went on to start picking at the fact that he gave up sooooooo much to "stay at home with your son while you go out to your friend's and get drunk every night." Last time I checked, Charlie was OUR son, in case you forgot. 

So eventually, we just went to sleep. It was already after midnight. And, the next day we were "fine." We acted relatively normal and things felt status quo. Then mom left. And, we were hanging with CHarlie and he crashed on the couch. K went downstairs and I asked what he wanted to do and he said "NOTHING." I'm like mmmmmmkkkkkk

Wild animal eyes happened and he was like "so am I sleeping downstairs?" I said if you choose. And, that set him off because I didn't make the decision. So then I said I think we both need a minute to process and reflect and so yes to tonight. "It's not just going to be one night! Know what? Don't bother calling me with Charlie in the morning since it's such a hard thing for you to do." I stopped him--you mean you don't want to talk to Charlie?! "You say you're always rushing or late and if it's too much for you, don't bother." (All of this is said with NarKittude, duh.) I said ok, but you know if I don't call you you could've called me, right? "Well, I don't know where you're at or what you're doing." I said EXACTLY! Just call me then! Why does it have to be on me.

So then I went upstairs, and he stayed downstairs. And, honestly, I crashed hard and slept until 5:30am which was nice. I wanted to go out for a run, but didn't because my back was killing me (damn you, Sky Zone and old age) and I didn't want to have to have him listen for Charlie. Ugh. 

Now of course today (Monday) he seems ok...I don't trust it. But, whatever. Going to roll with it as best I can.