Email

Thank you love. I hear you, and I am sorry you are so tired.

I love you with all my heart and soul. 
From: Maria Drutel <mpiazza603@hotmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, May 8, 2025 9:19 AM
To: kamil d <kamildrutel@hotmail.com>
Subject: Situation Check
 

You’re right - it wasn’t fair/right of me to say I was going to do something and not be faster about doing it. Like I said outside this morning, I was trying to wait for a time we could actually have a solid convo without Charlie around and not at 10pm.  


Current Situation


Right now, I’m just tired. I’m tired of everything becoming a “thing.” Tired of walking on eggshells. Tired of feeling like less because things aren’t up to your standards. Tired of being emotionally and mentally drained. Tired of feeling like I’m forever at a no-win situation. Just tired of being tired. 

I don’t strive for mediocrity. But I do believe that sometimes it’s OK to just be OK. Not everything needs to be optimized or talked about. Not everything needs a comment, criticism (constructive or otherwise), or “fix.” I feel like you always have something to say about everything, and it gets a bit much at times because it feels like you’re nitpicking and/or focusing on a negative.  It’s hard to joke around (even to fill the gap in conversation) because I’m not sure if a topic is taboo or can be used to joke around. 

You keep saying the same things over and over: that I don’t care, I’m cold, I’m complacent, not affectionate, and that I’m not changing. You get upset that I don’t speak to you unless you start the convo—at which point I’m not “allowed” to say my piece because it’s your time. It’s not so much I can’t talk to you, I don’t feel comfortable talking to you because of how you react (which you roll your eyes at but…). And, it’s hard to have “unsupervised” conversations (i.e., without Josh or randomly brought up) because if something strikes you wrong, it all goes to hell. I can’t come back from it and you’re like a dog with a bone. 

I know I am not perfect—far from it. I know I have flaws. I know I can be “at fault” for things. But, hearing you call me “cold,” saying I “don’t care” or that I’m “ignorant,” hurts and makes me really sad and angry. Those feelings combined are why I get quiet during conversations—why I don’t want to talk more. We all react to hurt differently—that is my way. 


This is the overall gist of what I’m feeling. There’s more actual topics to discuss, and we will. But for now, this is what I can give you. 

Kocham cie,

-M

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